Truthfully, I’m really not enjoying life at the moment. The first term of any year is always tough due to the shear amount of work required: in this case, a 5-week and 3-week design project, Creative Practice module & our dissertation. The problem doesn’t really lie there though, but in the fact that I’m currently having to fight myself on a daily basis to remain focused and motivated on the various tasks at hand. I feel a bit like the “boy who cried wolf” to an extent right now, in that I’ve always been so disparaging of my own abilities that when I hit I point that I’m genuinely struggling with more bullshit than just “the dissertation ain’t working out right now” or, “life ain’t fun”, well yeah. Life isn’t always fun. But what really takes the fucking cake is when you’re having to fight yourself, or more specifically spectres of yourself formed at shitty points in life. I ain’t alone in this, I know that; it just feels like I’m losing a battle right now, and I don’t know what that means for the war. People who know me are really rather concerned, and I don’t want them to be, I want them to be confident that I can deal with it, survive and succeed; but perhaps that is reflective of my own lack of confidence right now. I hate worrying people or getting in their way of enjoying life.

Anyway. We’ve got a field trip for the next part of the project, and the weather is looking like it will be rather wet. Pfft. Bring it. We survived the Folkestone field trip, we’ve got this XD.